Understanding women is an art based on psychology and the understanding of body language. Understanding women is also a struggle with public and social lies and prejudices. What women want is not what women think they want. This post is about making it easier for you as a man to understand women.

Understanding women and their psychology is a real problem for many men. Some only realize this when they have a girlfriend, others already when they want to find a girlfriend. We even met men who refrain from getting to know women from the outset. All because they feel they just can’t understand women and their psychology. 

Understanding women and psychology has never been easy for men. Numerous sayings show that even the most famous and successful men often found it difficult to understand women.

“There are two types of men. Some understand ‘something about women’, the others are those who simply ‘understand women’. ”

Sten Nadolny German Writer 

But not only men have problems understanding women. Women also often have striking problems understanding themselves and other women.

In our experience, the reasons for this are numerous:

  1. social and social characteristics 
  2. female communication 
  3. the functioning of the female ego 
  4. female (double-track) mating strategy
  5. female emotions

In the following we want to explain the background to these factors in more detail so that it is easier for you to understand women.

Women and society

Anyone who wants to understand women must understand their relationship to society. Women are more social beings than men.

Women are traditionally more dependent on society than men. The reason for this is that women are the physically weaker sex and have always been. In a world full of wild animals and other dangers, a woman alone was more vulnerable and therefore in need of protection than a man. While men alone had a higher chance of survival, a woman could significantly increase their chances of survival by joining one or more other people.

Accordingly, it was significantly more important for the survival of women to act little or not at all against the applicable norms and rules of society – or at least not to get caught doing so. This social character of women can still be recognized today by the fact that women are very often the more social part of a partnership with a man. She attaches great importance to maintaining contact and regular meetings with other couples and families, and is happy to slow down her partner if he is planning to search conflict with everyone again.

If you want to understand women, you first have to understand how our society today and its characteristics came about. Our society is shaped today by the monotheistic or Abrahamic religions. Judaism, Christianity and Islam have in common that inheritance law plays a special role. Name and origin play an essential role (descendants of Abraham) in order to identify and define oneself. This is accompanied by the approach in these religions of making assets inheritable and preserving them across the generations. It was this approach that eliminated the abundance of our ancestors in the blink of an eye. People no longer lived from hand to mouth and slept with each other, but rather wealth and identification accumulated.

Understanding women and how their sexuality has been tamed

Understanding women also means understanding the social limitations of female sexuality.

There are weighty voices in the literature that assume that large parts of humanity lived sexually very freely thousands of years ago. The abundance did not only extend to food and nutrition, but also to social affairs and sexuality. Comparisons with the bonobo – a primate species that is genetically incredibly closely related to humans, and their sexual behavior at least allow such conclusions. And these Bonobo monkeys have a lot of sex with each other – actually, all the time. Descendants that arise in this way can hardly be assigned to a father and are raised by the community together.

Of course, this state of affairs was not conducive to the above-mentioned efforts to clearly assign family, descendants and assets. And even less was it possible to keep people controllable in such a “mess”. Still one of the main concerns of religions to this day.

So when it comes to understanding women, it must always be understood that Judaism, Christianity and Islam have one component in common: the taming of female sexuality.

If we look at a woman and let the ego a bit aside, we find that the female body is an almost perfect sex and birth machine – it has been optimized for this. Sexuality traditionally plays a significantly larger role in the life and nature of women than our society as a whole and every woman would like to have.

The early Society

Society 25,000 and more years ago was a society in which sexuality played a much larger role than today. And a world in which sex was lived much more freely than today. This may not apply to all societies – but it does apply to a significant part.

So sex was by no means restricted to reproduction, but played an essential role as a social glue – to reduce aggression, as well as to comfort or in general to pass the time and boredom. Women were sex machines …

It was only when religions manipulated people that female sexuality was put to shame and hidden. Sex was ousted in the back room, dark corners and moral shadiness. You can only understand women if you understand that they have to suppress their sexuality permanently to a large extent. And often are not even aware of it.

“I’m not this kind of girl …” became the winged word that every woman has said on any occasion. And the man just wonders “But where do I find ‘this kind of’? Who is ’this kind of’? ”. The answer is: every woman is one, but only if she does feel neither observed nor judged. Really understanding women means understanding them as sexual beings.

A woman will only indulge in sex with one or more partners if she doesn’t feel like a bitch (“this kind of girl”). Anyone who wants to understand and seduce a woman and enjoy her sexuality uninhibited must give her the feeling that she is not being judged for her sexuality.

Understand women and “slut”?

As we noted above, religions have constructed largely uniform social standards for when a woman is or is not a “slut”. Accordingly, a woman can only have sex if she adheres to the social framework contract. In order to understand women, one also has to understand the social framework contract: sex against protection and care, with the intention of giving birth and starting a family. So if a woman breaks the social framework contract and simply exchanges sex for sex or sex for a weekend trip to Mallorca, she is a “slut” in the social sense. If you don’t understand that, you won’t understand women either and you won’t succeed with women. Maybe not even find a girlfriend.

The Social Framework Contract

You have to understand the word “slut” correctly. It expresses that a woman does not abide by the social framework contract and therefore cannot be used for a serious social relationship. Therefore, in our experience, discrediting a girl as a “slut” is spoken out at least as often by women as by men – if not more often.

Overall, in our experience, regular envy and jealousy are the main motivations that make women and men call other women “sluts”.

Some voices in the title as a bitch understand the equivalent to stamping male competitors (by other men) as “He must be gay!”. In both cases it is expressed that the respective man (“gay”) or the respective woman (“slut”) are disqualified for the execution of the social contract. (see the last section The Rationale Male, p. 132 f.)

This thinking and knowledge is still hardwired in every woman’s subconscious. So if a woman wants to have sex at all – and even more so without striving for a serious relationship – she has to do a lot of rational contortions that can confidently be perceived as relatively irrational. Understanding women is not easy.

Because a woman who wants to have sex without trying to have a serious relationship with the man is a bitch in her own eyes. Numerous rationalizations (often only afterwards) are required to ensure that this sex “does not count”.

Understanding Female Rationalizations

Here are some of the all-time favorites:

  1. The alcohol was to blame, that doesn’t count.
  2. My friend argued with me, that doesn’t count.
  3. It was on vacation, that doesn’t count.
  4. I was emotional, that doesn’t count. Etc.

The issue becomes problematic when individual women go so far that they later understand and present consensual sex as rape. We have worked with some young men in the past who were surprised by the fact that women went to the police afterwards and tried to construct rapes out of consensual sex. In some cases, young men are traumatized and caught in their own misperceptions.

So it is still important to note that women are under incredible pressure in the 21st century when it comes to understanding, experiencing and experiencing their sexuality. False morals and ideologies repeatedly force women to deny and hide their true sexuality so that they are not understood and perceived by themselves and others as “such a person”.

We state again: In order to understand all of the following elements and behaviors of women, it is important to understand the relationship of women to society.

The next step is to understand women and their own form of communication.

Female Communication

When it comes to understanding women, communication plays an important role. Overall, communication is the key to understanding people in general.

Communication takes place on several levels. We don’t just want to get stuck on the purely verbal, i.e. literal, communication level. Instead, we want to understand other levels that play an important role in interpersonal communication. In addition to the verbal communication already mentioned, these are the body language and the other non-verbal signals that women give and which are often referred to as indicators of interest in the seduction of women.

But when it comes to how women communicate, it is often the things that are not said that play a particularly important role.

But one after another:

As shown above, women have always been considered the “weaker sex” (due to physical inferiority). This is probably the main reason why women have become used to a fundamentally different form of communication over the millennia of human history. Understanding this alternative form of communication is key to understanding women.

More Social Communication

It also often shows that female communication is more social than male. It is included and integrated rather than excluded and delimited. This communication is already evident in little girls who tend to emphasize the similarities when playing and want to emphasize differences as less important. Through their communication, girls animate togetherness and similarities rather than differences. In order to better understand female communication from childhood onwards, this Harvard Business Review article is suitable for in-depth reading.

Demanding communication

Put simply, women have always been physically weaker and reliant on social integration. They had to avoid open, direct, and possibly marginalizing confrontations. Therefore, while men communicate very easily, directly, honestly, and openly, women have developed a much more sophisticated form of communication. This is much less confrontational – since they had to avoid direct confrontation due to physical inferiority. At the same time, it is more focused on information acquisition, social integration, and sub-communication. It is naturally more difficult for men to learn this more sophisticated type of communication and the psychology behind it. Interestingly, this form of communication can also be found in business today. There, this type of communication is called “Power Talk”. Because even in companies and other organizations, direct confrontation often has to be avoided. Female Power Talk has therefore made it into the executive floors for a long time. This book is suitable for further reading.  


A simple but very obvious example:

Two young women (She1 and 2) are together in a night club. After both have just arrived, the first (She) goes to the toilet. After She1 has returned, She2 opens the conversation.

She2 (in a theatrical annoyed tone): “Oh man, three guys hit on me, while you were gone – terrible!”

Sie1 (answers in the same tone of voice): “Yeah, four have already hit on me. Can’t they just leave us alone? ”

The attentive observer can clearly see here where the real focus of communication was – not on the surface. The real emotional power of the words lies in the sub-communication between the lines. The hidden statement from HB1 hides in these: “I am more seductive than you.”

And that brings us to the female ego. If you want to understand people, you have to understand their identity and self-image, which is always influenced by the external image. Understanding how the female ego works is therefore one of the most important basics of studying seduction and understanding women.

Understanding how the female ego works

Sad but true: Most people today live a strange and unfree life and not their own. They live a life based on standards imposed on them by others or by their own ideas. Instead of just accepting yourself for who you are and building on that to live a happy and fulfilling life. Even women today actually see themselves more as a product of their social constraints.

As children, we approach each other uninhibited and without prejudice and invite to play with each other. Later, however, our own idea of ​​who we are (and more importantly 🙂 should be more and more important. We are caught in an image that we have created of ourselves – the ego.

The ego is the image that we have created of ourselves and which we are now either chasing insane or reacting inappropriately and offended if we realize that we do not meet these wrong standards. We see ourselves as something that has been imposed on us from outside.

In today’s society, this affects men and women equally. However, women are often even more affected because the social importance mentioned above plays an even more important role in their lives. Women see themselves much more as part of society than men.

A Man wants to be the Best

The male ego simply works according to the mode: “I want to be the best.” The smartest, the fastest, the strongest … etc. Athletic, scientific and cultural competitions are based on this fundamental defect in the male psyche. Even razors are sold to men with analogies from racing and team sports. If you look at a commercial wet razor today, you will hardly be able to overlook the similarities to the design of sports cars or combat harnesses. Society is so easy to see through if you take a closer look.

Women see themselves as very seductive

In order to better understand women and their behavior, one has to take a closer look at the female ego.

The female ego works differently. The female ego works according to the mode: “I am the most seductive.” The female competition therefore takes place on the sexual or relationship level. Billions of sales in the cosmetics, fashion and fitness industry are based on promising women eternal youth and beauty. They are the best proof of how the female ego works primarily.

Women want to see Themselves as Mysterious

In addition, many women would like to see themselves as mysterious and difficult to understand. No woman wants to be “simple” (see above). This is not only limited to “being easy to have” but also extends to “not being easy to understand”. As a rule of thumb, the following can be said: the more beautiful the woman, the more character quirks, she believes she can afford.

And, of course, the principle “I am not a bitch / I am not easy to have”, which has been stressed several times above, must never be forgotten. It is an elementary element of the female ego that no woman wants to understand herself as (too) easy to have.

The female ego is not satisfied when she is the first to cross the finish line, but when she has turned enough men ‘s heads and was able to secure the best man for herself. It’s about being the most seductive woman in general or within a certain group.

But which man is actually the best man for a woman?

We’ll look into this question in the next section when we look at the female dual-track mating strategy.

What do women like? Understand the dual-track mating strategy

If men sometimes feel that they don’t understand what women want, they’re not that wrong. Because women themselves often have the feeling that when it comes to love, sex and relationships, they do not understand exactly what they actually want.

The cause lies in the dual-track, sometimes downright schizophrenic strategy of mating women.

When it comes to reproduction, women and men basically pursue the same goal: they want their DNA to be preserved and staying on earth longer than their own being.

The main difference between a man and a woman, however, is that the man has an infinite amount of sperm available, while the woman’s egg cells are limited to one egg cell per month, even in her most fertile period.

Sperm is Cheap

So if men are looking for sex and potential relationship partner, the opportunity costs are negligible. Even after a man has gotten a woman pregnant, he has an infinite amount of resources available to get an infinite number of more women pregnant. In simple words: sperm is cheap.

Men are therefore attracted to female attributes that indicate high fertility for women. The female attributes, which statistically indicate high fertility, are youth and beauty. Therefore, men are traditionally extremely superficial when choosing a potential sex partner and mostly limit themselves to these two attributes: youth and beauty.

Since the opportunity cost is close to 0, the man has statistically increased the survivability of his DNA to the maximum when he has sex with an infinite number of young and beautiful women. Idols like James Bond suddenly make sense, don’t they? 🙂

The optimization of the male sexual strategy is successful when he has sex with as many young and beautiful women as possible.

What do women want? Understand female mating strategy

The female mating strategy is much more complex and subtle. Due to the underlying psychology, it is not so easy to understand. Since a woman has only one egg cell per month, the opportunity costs are very, very high. Sex with the wrong man can have fatal consequences in the event of pregnancy. On the one hand because of the high opportunity costs and on the other hand because of the (no longer so pronounced) dependence on male protection and male care.

A woman therefore not only wants to secure the best DNA available for her, but also to bind it to herself and the expected child as long as possible.

Dual Track, but one Opinion

So women are looking

  1. good genes and
  2. good protection.

Since only very few women have the psychic ability to determine the quality of genes simply by looking at the man, they are based on the social status of a man. From a woman’s perspective, the social success and status of a man is a reliable indicator of good genes that will produce fit offspring. Therefore, women generally date and marry upwards. A man’s lifestyle status is almost always higher than the status of the women he is dating.

A high social status is most often indicated by the following indicators (see also Finding a friend):

  1. Preselected by Women
  2. Leader of men (qualities as leader)
  3. Risk taker (takes risks)
  4. Protector of Loved Ones (protects what is dear to him)
  5. Willingness to Emote

What do women want in a relationship?

These good genes should then be found in a man who is absolutely willing to bind, so as to provide protection and care during pregnancy and the rearing of offspring.

If you take a look at doctor or vampire novels, you will find that the ideal partner in them regularly has all these characteristics and is therefore of high social status but also an absolute relationship man.

However, it stands to reason that a man who is so attractive to women should rarely be willing to bond. Because he would take all other options right from the start.

Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks

It is therefore not uncommon for women to be attracted to very selfish and successful players (“Alphas”) and have sex with them. But when it comes to serious relationships or even offspring, they prefer to orientate themselves to the “beta”, since this ensures safe rearing of the children.

The result, by the way, is that humans are one of the few animal species that have to struggle with the phenomenon of cuckoo children. This phenomenon is sometimes referred to in a somewhat heretical manner as “Alpha fucks, Beta bucks”.

Because of this almost schizophrenic mating strategy, women often hardly understand themselves. And if men have not dealt with the subject in more detail, they bite themselves to understand women, sometimes just teeth.

Understanding Female Emotions

Emotional Women – Understanding Women and Emotions

The fact that women are more emotional than men in their psychology can confidently be called truism today. Both men and women know that men are more likely to be guided by rational logic and objective morality. In the lives of women, on the other hand, their individually felt emotions often play a more important role. It should be noted that of course no woman is like any other. Some women are emotionally much stronger than the average (European) man. Nevertheless, we have to generalize something here for the sake of simplicity.

In the course of an average day, women not only feel much more, but also much more intense emotions. On some days, this can lead to women feeling themselves to be victims of their fluctuating moods and feelings. If the day starts with a badly understood message from your best friend and ends with a burst date with the crush, the associated emotions and fluctuations in feelings can become a real ordeal for an average woman. And sometimes also for her environment. Understanding an emotional woman is an almost impossible task for some men.

Hormones and the Female Cycle

The background for this emotional sensitivity can be seen in the female cycle and the associated hormone releases. It is in the sense of human nature and survival that women feel intense emotions and are therefore capable of a strong bond with the offspring and potential life partners.

In our experience, it can often be seen that women who are in the phase of ovulation feel a particularly strong urge to take very concrete actions. Especially in the phase of ovulation, women particularly like to “go dancing” or simply want to make themselves particularly beautiful and “go shopping” on the shopping street.

It should be noted that in some phases women see themselves as victims of their emotions and therefore long for a man who can give them strength and security. “Be the oak, not the squirrel!”

Men have to be Cold and Strong – sometimes

A man who has his emotions under control even in difficult phases is perceived by women as strong and masculine. Because he gives them the feeling that they can lean against him and rub. If it ever becomes necessary.

It is therefore important not to understand or even feel every emotional emotion of a woman as a man 1on1. Instead, it gives women a certainty if you let them live their emotions in a safe atmosphere. On the other hand, whoever makes a huge drama as soon as a woman sheds a little tear will no longer be perceived by her as a strong partner.

A man who sometimes appears cool on the outside can be very attractive to a woman. Even if many women don’t get tired of complaining about a man’s lack of emotion.

But it is important to understand here: a man should know when he can deal with his emotions freely and when he should rather avoid them. A man who tends to be emotional in dangerous situations is a security risk. On the other hand, a man who reveals his feelings to a woman in a protected atmosphere is perceived as strong.

Understand women’s behavior and psychology

The aim of psychology is to describe and explain human experience and behavior, its development in the course of life and all relevant internal and external causes and conditions. (Source: Wikipedia)

But most men and women fail to understand or at least understand female psychology. On the one hand, this is due to the fact that when considering feminine psychology, all of the sub-factors mentioned above play a role. And on the other hand because the general female psychology cannot be reconciled with the self-image of individual women.

In short: I’m not making friends again. 🙂

Understanding Women and their Need for Attention

Another pillar of female psychology: women need attention. No matter if in a club or in a relationship. When women complain about one thing, it’s lack of attention.

Eye contact with women on the street is primarily aimed at checking whether the man in question is looking or not looking after them. They are happy to take a second look to check whether the man really looked. That is why the female gaze is such an important indicator of interest (see below).

When a woman looks for a man, it is important to her that HE looks for HER. She attaches a certain value to him.

Where does it come from?

But where does this female pursuit of attention come from? Why is women’s attention in general and male attention in particular so important?

Again, the reason for this lies in the evolution and status of women as the “weaker” gender. Since a woman could not survive alone, she needed attention from the group and especially as many men as possible to survive. A woman who received a lot of attention from many men was more likely to survive. Attention has therefore been the most critical factor in female survival in the past. In contrast, a woman who received no attention had been doomed to death in the inhospitable past. Therefore, it is still in every woman’s DNA to attract attention and to keep it as much as possible.

In today’s society, where women like to be persuaded that they can still be just as successful in sexuality and partnership in old age, dwindling attention is to be understood as the mainstay of this illusion.


A direct consequence in female psychology from the above-mentioned female emotionality is female solipsism.

While logic and morality are more rationally objective in nature, female emotions revolve around the origin of them – the woman herself.

In the thinking and acting of most women, they see themselves as the focus – it’s all about them. This can almost drive men crazy, especially since women seem to be against any logical reasoning.

But this female selfishness has its justification and is responsible for the fact that humanity has survived millions of years. Because through female solipsism, the woman herself and her offspring, for whom she feels very strong emotions, are constantly at the center of all thinking and dealing with women. This has significantly increased the chances of survival.

It is this solipsimus that is responsible for the fact that women, after they have left a man, can emotionally let go of him so quickly. This ability to quickly get involved with a new (perceived as better) partner is a feminine expression of the Darwinian principle “Survival of the Fittest”. This ability can also be observed when women start a second family with a new partner and then neglect stepchildren. In the sense of survival, it no longer makes sense to continue watering an old family strand. The newly founded family is then often perceived as shining and promising.

Now he (the author) is also destroying the patchwork family illusion… 😀

Understanding women and their tests – How women test men

Even women whom you can’t win over, like to see if you … dare everything.

Alexander Engel

Another peculiarity in female psychology and communication can be seen in the subtle tests that women often take men. Men usually don’t notice anything because they don’t even understand them.

As already shown above, a high social status of the man indicates high quality of his genetic material. Such a high social value is of course the easiest to check in social interactions. Therefore, the highest factor in determining a man’s social value is always pre-selection by other women.

However, if the check is not possible – for example, because the woman with the man has been predominantly alone and not in company, she will try to determine his social value through these tests.

This shows the sophisticated way of women to understand the man, to communicate socially and to gain information in the process. These so-called “shit tests” can have different directions and determine both the social and sexual value of a man. While some are more obvious, others can be extremely subtle.

A classic is the following short message dialogue on a Saturday evening at 6 p.m .:

You: “Hey, what are you doing tonight?”

He: “Hey, I have no plans. Should I come to pick you up? ”

Silence follows and he has never heard from her again.

Fell into the Trap

What happened here: Well, the moment he wrote that he was up to nothing, she suddenly lost interest. Obviously, he can’t be a man of high social value if he spends Saturday evening at home or in his favorite pub around the corner. So while the question of the evening’s project signaled readiness for joint ventures on the surface, information was ascertained and calculations completed under the surface. Shit test failed. No woman wants a man who has no better intention than to wait for a message from her. Even if hardly a woman would openly admit it.

It remains to be summarized. Shit tests are a way for women to learn something about a man’s value without having to ask him directly, which could lead to a lie. Yes, if you want to learn to understand women, you have to be able to think outside the box.

Understand female body language and signals

As we have shown above, the female form of psychology and communication differs significantly from the male.

Like all people, women communicate not only on the verbal level but also on the non-verbal level. For the seducer, the non-verbal signals and body language are much more important than verbal communication. Understanding her is the key to understanding women, their psychology, and their true desires and intentions.

Again, this is due to the factors mentioned above, which ensure that women have developed an ego and self-image in their psychology that is often extremely difficult to reconcile with reality.

A Yes rarely happens

Anyone who has seduced a woman before will have noticed that it is almost impossible to get direct approval or a clear “yes” in the course of the seduction process. Silence, a gentle “maybe”, a definite look or a sly smile are the signals that the seducer has to rely on if he wants to understand women correctly.

No woman wants to feel too light. A clear “yes” would be a clear violation of this basic rule. Listening to a woman’s words is therefore usually a classic mistake for beginners.

It is much more important to correctly understand or interpret the female signals and body language.

Understand female signals – recognize IOI

Thank God Mother Nature endowed women with a wonderful, even enchanting weakness – the indicators of interest or IOIs for short.

Women can’t help but make a statement if they like a man and want to learn more about him.

Gazes and Nervousness

There are a lot of them and often they can only be interpreted correctly in interaction.

If a woman often plays on her hair or moves nervously around her own face, it is also a classic signal. As if standing cross-legged, indicating that she does not want to leave but enjoys the conversation that has just started.

The female look – across the room – after a new man has entered the bar or the restaurant can be just as IOI as the questioning of a new acquaintance.

Understanding the Female Body Language

Human body language is controlled by our reptile brain (the subconscious) and is much more honest than any spoken word.

Because our body language has been in existence for millions of years and still reflects the need for escape and thus well-being or discomfort in human interactions unfiltered.

Sympathy / Antipathy

Depending on whether the woman’s body or limbs are facing or facing away from us, we can already say a lot about her sympathy or antipathy.

If you want to understand and successfully seduce women, you have to learn to read and understand their body language. Anyone who lingers on the verbal level of communication will never be able to understand women properly.

For a more in-depth reading to better understand women, their body language and signals, the entire work of the former FBI investigator Joe Navarro is a solid choice.

How to Treat a Woman

The question of how to treat a woman is closely related to the question of how to understand a woman and her psychology.

In addition, of course, it is also necessary to know what you want to achieve. If you only want to have a superficial sexual relationship with a woman, the challenges are different than if you want to find a woman for a relationship or marriage.

Do you want to find a girlfriend or just want to have a good time?

You should adjust your behavior accordingly. However, certain principles must always be adhered to.

“I don’t want to be a woman, otherwise I would always play on my breasts.”

– Lothar Matthäus – German Football Player and Coach