Sunday – lazy day. I feel pretty much overgamed, as I was out for Daygame the last six days. So today I stayed away of women and took care of myself. A gym workout and meeting a friend were my only real tasks today.
But such lazy days are always a good opportunity to think about the meta level and the whole journey itself. Away from women – where did it take me and where do I want to go?
I became far more confident with people in general. Today I see all those other people around me, who are often times not even able to simple hold eye contact. Conversations of any subject are far more easier today for me, as I am far more able to control them.
For sure I am far more alone than I was in relationships. But I am also much less lonely. Thanks to constant inner game work I like being alone meanwhile. I don’t need anybody around me to feel good. I just feel good with and about myself. In fact I regularly need time with myself to recharge energy.
I constantly work on myself and accept the competition around me. That also means it is harder for me to relax, as I now have to consciously opt out of the competition, if I want to relax. As long as I had no idea of what was going on around me, I could relax and watch trash TV whenever I wanted. Meanwhile I can’t watch TV and even PlayStation games feel like a waste of time. But don’t be afraid: I still play them every now and then. 😉
I am much more aware at all. Thanks to meditation and certain InnerGame techniques I am more centered in the reality and living my life purposefully. Instead of living up to other people’s expectations I am creating a whole new life and identity, that makes me proud of myself.
I have far more and diverse friends in my life. I am well connected around the whole world and in every big city I have people to go out and make action. It is also much easier for me to differentiate between people that are good for me and not so good for me. Certainly I have become very good at measuring peoples value within shortest time periods.
But that also inherits the fact that I sometimes can’t enjoy being around some people just for the sake of it. There is always some measuring in the back of my head. This sometimes holds me back, when’ve want to get into state. So letting go and acceptance are still points I will work on.
I have deeper bonds with my closest friends. As my player friends are all aware of the ego and the problems it causes in relationships, we are much more aware and careful. So it is far easier to trust somebody and to talk on a deep understanding level.
While there are still downsides, most of what game brought me are upsides. It changed my life and certainly the life of some of the people around me. My relationships with people are more healthy in general and I live my life more aware and purposefully. The resistance I sometimes feel inside myself will eventually fade away and I will become my final and higher self.